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Working With Your Family Lawyer on a PA Case

Your lawyer is your most expensive resource. Use them well.

Before you hire

Three vetting questions:

  1. "How many cases involving alienation behaviors have you taken to a contested final hearing?"
  2. "Which clinicians or evaluators do you usually work with on these matters?"
  3. "Have you read [Warshak / Bernet / Baker / Eddy] — and which authors do you find most credible?"

If they hedge on all three, keep looking. PA cases need lawyers who've lived them, not generalists.

Watch out for: - Lawyers who promise outcomes ("we'll get you full custody") - Lawyers who dismiss PA as "just a custody dispute" - Lawyers who haven't heard of the PASG or the major researchers

How to be a good client (and reduce your bill)

  • Send organised, summarised updates — not 50-line texts at 11pm. Try: weekly email, bullet points, dates first.
  • Index your own documents. Lawyers charging $300–$600/hr to sort your PDFs is a tax on your case.
  • Track time you take of theirs. Most family lawyers bill in 6-min units. A 10-min call is 12 min on your invoice.
  • Ask "what's the smallest version of this?" before agreeing to any motion. PA cases reward incremental positioning, not maximalism.
  • Don't blindside them. New facts on the morning of a hearing cost you credibility and your lawyer's preparation time.

The recurring meeting rhythm

Most healthy PA-case lawyer relationships use this cadence:

Cadence Purpose
Monthly check-in (30 min) Strategy review + case-status update
Pre-filing meeting Before every motion/application
Pre-hearing prep 1–2 weeks before any court appearance
Post-hearing debrief Within 24 hours of any court appearance

Anything more frequent suggests panic. Anything less suggests drift.

When to switch lawyers

It happens. Signs you should consider it:

  • They've missed deadlines twice
  • They haven't read your most recent documents before a meeting
  • They're recommending strategies inconsistent with the research literature
  • The bill is climbing without forward motion in the case
  • You've lost trust in their judgment

How to switch: 1. Get your full file first (you own your records — they must hand them over) 2. Pay the outstanding bill so they don't have leverage 3. Brief the new lawyer fully including why you switched 4. Don't badmouth the prior lawyer — small legal community, big reputation costs

What your lawyer can't do for you

They cannot: - Make your child love you again — that's the child's process - Replace clinical work — find a PA-informed therapist for you - Fix the relationship with the alienating parent — that's mediation/therapy - Save you from disorganisation — that's on you - Promise outcomes — anyone who does is lying

What only your lawyer should do

  • Direct communication with the other side's lawyer
  • Court filings and procedural strategy
  • Witness preparation for testimony
  • Negotiating settlements
  • Reading the judge in the room

Trying to do these yourself, even with research, almost always backfires.

See also: First 90 Days playbook — when to bring a lawyer in. Court prep checklist — how to use them on the day.